some time to write
It’s been over a year since I wrote a blog and shared here.
Once becoming a mom became my reality, all sense of the words “free-time” have seemed to disappear from my daily life. I used to write daily. Sometimes twice a day. Today I have the time because I’m on the road with my team and when you’re on the road life is very simple. You eat, you rest, you go to the gym for serve and pass, you study your opponent on video, and after the match is played you get back on the road and travel to your home city. In between each of these pre-programmed things you have downtime and without a baby around I feel like I’ve been blessed with TIME. What I’ve come to realize is that when I have an hour of time for myself, I scramble to figure out how to use it. “It has to be productive and fulfilling and impactful and enjoyable.” These few moments are so rare and so precious. Before becoming a mom I seriously don’t know what I did with so much time. time. time. time. As I’m sitting here in my hotel room with all this time I can’t help but smile and think to say this to any person out there who is thinking of becoming a parent one day: whenever you feel like you have extra time for yourself, ENJOY it and try to remember that it won’t always be this freeing. Maybe if I had known before how little time I would have for myself once my title changed to mom, I wouldn’t have taken advantage of the time I had to fill my cup up every day. But then again maybe you just can’t know until you’re in it and nothing would have changed had I really known what I was getting myself into :).
I have the comparison now of being a professional athlete and a mom vs just being a professional athlete, and there are some really tough differences that I’m learning how to manage. I think the most difficult is the change in recovery and rest. Before it seemed there was an endless amount of opportunity to rest and recover, today that time is very dependent on if Storm naps or sleeps through the night or if she’s sick again with the next thing circling through daycare. The times she’s sick and then I have to go to practice and walk away from a screaming baby asking for mom because she doesn’t feel good, those times are the most painful. The feeling that I’m doing something wrong by going after my own dream when it takes me away from what she needs makes my stomach cringe. It’s those times especially that I feel an over-pour of gratitude for Riley and what he’s sacrificing to be here and step into the bigger parenting role. He is actually the reason we’re here. He encouraged me to sign this contract and continue playing knowing very well that his role would change the minute we decided to go. I cannot imagine having to endure something like this without him. A message to those that want both: you can do it. It is hard and exhausting, but it’s even more rewarding and fulfilling. As an athlete it’s really difficult to decide on the “right time” to try to get pregnant and start a family when it means putting your athletic career on hold…but my hope for everyone is that this difficult moment and decision can be embraced as more the: “moment of a lifetime” “so exciting” “filled with unknown joy moment”. Of course it’s always going to be the scary moment, but it can really be the absolute most beautiful part of our journey here if we embrace the unknown and see the pause on the court as the most exciting play we will ever make. Being a parent isn’t every athletes path, but if you want it to be part of yours- I am here to say it is possible and it is WORTH it. Easy, no. Simple, no. But worth it, YES. I don’t know when I will have the opportunity to write again…but when I do it could be fun to have new topics to share on. Send suggestions please :)
Writing is something that helps fill up my cup, and when I can write and help someone else, it fills it up faster. <3
