newness
Changes in pace and space. Changes in people and surroundings. In language. A lot is shifting and different and I’m feeling those differences deep on a soulful level. Finding a peaceful place within myself to write something new and worthwhile has been exceptionally difficult this week. I might need some time to adjust. I don’t want to force myself and search for something that isn’t there right now. So for now I will settle on sharing something from an entry I wrote awhile back. When I say awhile back I mean it may very well be from over a year ago. There’s no date on this one. When I read it though it felt like a great reminder. It felt good to read and as if it may possibly be timely for others as well.
Life.
We all live our lives with our own perspectives. Of what is right and wrong. What love is. What feels good. Which sounds are better than others. There’s always something to say. Except when there isn’t. When silence is the answer because the mind is spinning and there’s nothing that seems to be able to calm it. Instead…a breath maybe. A mindful one where you feel the air coming off of your lips or through the tips of your nostrils. We have choices in every moment. We can always choose what to do. I know what I feel sometimes but no one else knows, because they’re mine. My feelings. My body. How can anyone else tell me what I’m feeling? It’s not possible… No one can take them from me.
Life is a road each of us take. We all walk our paths and may sit in wonder on if it’s truly right. We all have doubts to overcome. We all face fears at some point or another. Every one of us. No one is ever any better. We all just are. Human beings. Here. Why? Because we each have life in us. Pulsing, living, vibrating, moving, sitting, but moving still…
Life. Life is our commonality. It’s our one true commitment to being here. The essence of being alive. It’s beautiful…it’s hard. Sometimes it hurts us and it beats us down. Other times it lifts us into the clouds. Literally. To be truly alive is to give yourself the greatest gift. <3
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Life right now for me has changed a lot over the last week. The first week in a new place always calls for looooootssss of patience and adjustments and newness. I find myself hitting highs and lows like I didn’t know I could. It’s pretty funny actually. I have to laugh at myself sometimes for how heady and emotional I get over not having that one thing I forgot to bring from back home, or for not having the space I pictured having, or my sweet Lewi whom I’ve been accustomed to having with me in Italy. He’s the perfect companion and without him here with me everything feels slightly less vibrant. I also decided to beat myself up over not having this great new journal entry to share…instead I battled sharing anything at all.
Newness can be tough sometimes.
For me right now. I’m so equally happy to be here and so equally pained inside to be far from my loved ones. I’m so equally happy to be back to training at such a high level and so equally longing for what I just had a few days ago being home and surrounded by that love. It’s been a great challenge for me to sit with all of my feelings and allow myself to adjust without the pressures of perfection. I long for things I know I’ve had before and then I remind myself that everything I truly need is right here inside of me. When I start beating myself up, I choose a different thought. When I feel tears coming on I remind myself of the things that bring me joy and choose those thoughts instead. Life is unraveling in a strange way right now, there’s so much uncertainty around. When we can settle into our bodies and remind ourselves that all we need is right here inside of us, that’s when I believe we’re in the space to walk the right path.
- I hope you find that peace within you today too -
With love, Carli