grieving…remembering…healing
Grief. Grieving.
Words no human being wishes to experience. Words that hold a lot of weight. Words that represent pain and loss and lack and attachment and fear and and and…
Someone once told me that the amount of grief you feel after experiencing a loss is a direct correlation to the amount of love you have had for that person. That grieving is so important because it reminds us of the love we’re capable of and it reminds us of what we want more of and of the goodness in what we’ve had…
When you’re in the thick of grief though, it’s hard to find and stay with that goodness. The actual grieving process is really freaking complicated. One that all of us humans have had to face and endure at one point or another in our lifetime. Each person processes and moves through grief in their own unique way.
I feel grief in my heart space and in my throat space. It feels heavy and restricting and stuck. I feel slower than normal. In everything I do. It feels like grief is a slow down. Life in slow motion, everything feels different, strange, out of place.
Today and the last few days I have been grieving through the passing of a most loyal, most consistent, most courageous family member. A most joyful, most loving, most honest, our best, pup. Slej.
As Uncle would say, “pup is a person, too.”
It’s very difficult to find the right words in moments like this. He is our protector, our heart, our spirit. He shows us where we’re meant to be…how we’re meant to feel. He’s our backbone strength and our remembrance of unity and of love.
When I say he is the best pup I have ever known it feels like an understatement. It’s more like he’s the most beautiful Being I’ve ever encountered.
I miss that boy. I miss his kisses and his hugs. His howl to greet us after long times away and his sweet whimper in the morning saying “Lili, what about me? I want to be in bed with you, too…”
I miss his raw concern and care for absolutely any human being that walked in the door. He won over a lot of “non-dog-loving” hearts. He made sure anyone that was coming to visit felt like this was their home too. He showed the way, always. The way to connection and attention and joy.
Slej. Our northern star when it comes to anything good. Our reminder that unconditional love is actually possible and actually attainable. The most precious companion we could have ever asked for…
and this grief I’m feeling now is well worth it… Because I’ve known him. and I’ve loved him. and I’ve felt his love too. Now I have all of our memories to carry forward with me...forever
Here’s to the process…to time…and our ability to remember what we choose to, and to guide our feeling place towards that of joy. We must find gratitude and let that heal us some. We must find courage and let that give us some. We must find harmony with the way life unfolds and let that move us through.
I will love him forever. As long as I’m a living and breathing being, aware on this Earth, I will hold so much love in my heart for this precious boy.
He was and is and always will be our families keystone.
I love you, sweet boy. I miss you, best pup.
Thank you, our Slej
